10/20 seriously a Manic Monday

it's only Monday, and I'm already a bit stressed. what even??
I confess to crying at the end of my school day although I was laughing simultaneously

I have a gazillion things to do this week. I'm behind in one of my online classes and in my Calc class. so insane. Not to mention I have a college application due next Saturday EEP!! 

BUT on the brighter side, I am just so so so so so SO happy that I don't have my college class at all this week (GO FALL BREAK!!!) and that I am finally officially JOBLESS. not having a job has its perks, yall! I'm so happy. So happy for the extra time I'll have!

it's times like these when I question my sanity for this heavy workload, but then I remind myself that I'm a super masochist and actually love it more than anything else in the world

alright, it's 11:45, and I shouldn't even be posting, but here I am...

I'll leave ya with this awesome sticker I got from BYU. woot woot!! 

oh! and this great scripture that never ever ever fails to comforts me: 

Matthew 11: 28-30

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

p.s. I know I said I would leave, but I want to mention that my school had another loss this weekend, and it's the cruelest thing in the world. However, Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. We have to have faith that everything will be alright and patiently wait for the day that we come to a full understanding of this month's tragic events. We are BH Strong. Rest in peace, Austin! Even though I didn't know you (which sucks), you have taught me things, and for that, I am grateful. See ya in Heaven, buddy! 

10/15 ONE DOWN SIX (???) MORE TO GO!!!

I JUST SUBMITTED MY FIRST COLLEGE APPLICATION YALL
IT'S GETTING SUPA SUPA REAL UP IN HERE 

(congratulatory selfie with Common App)

it's been a crazy couple of days!! I thought this college only needed one essay but then I found it that it needed TWO, so I scrambled. Supa cray!! Not to mention I'm super super behind on homework. YIKES!! but now, I'm so so so glad the application is over! ...but not really over over considering I still have at least four (POSSIBLY six) more colleges I have to apply to. DEEP SIGH
Anyways, I'm quite proud of myself for submitting this application. I also feel really old and sad because WOW senior year. WOW college. WOW eighteen (soon). WOW I still have a lot of growing to do before I leave the house. basically WOW...this, getting older and responsibility stuff, is insane! just absolutely insane. but so awesome at the same time!! ugh I love it all so much (regardless of the lack of sleep). 

Anyone who's applying for colleges, just remember, don't stress and be yourself. (really that's for just about anyone regardless of what you're doing!) 

P.S. excuse my absence on this blog. just know that I'm not doing anything too cool...unless you think homework, college apps, and essays are cool because otherwise I'm getting turnt!!! hahaha 
P.S.S. it's so weird not having a word limit and typing all this random, informal stuff hehe

10/8 bhstrong

remember when I said that a few weeks ago was one of the most stressful weeks of my life? i lied. it's been THESE past two (since my last blog post) weeks. it's insane. everything hurts and it sucks, and i just don't know what to do anymore. 

last week i spent the entire week following a prompting from HF to fill out the application for a scholarship i seriously legitimately don't even think i will get. i hate it. and i worked my butt off on that dang thing the entire weekend as well.

but also, more significantly, this past weekend, two kids from my school died, and i have never been hit harder. it sucks you guys. they were sophomores and deserved so much more. so so so so much more. three others were injured with two being my current classmates and one from last year. like everyone has been saying this week: we always see tragedies like this happen in the movies. but to our school? who would have known that could happen? it's hard. so so so hard, and i hate it so much. i hate the loss of two young lives. i wish i would have known them more than I did, but I didn't, and I hate myself for that. it just sucks, and i'm still having trouble wrapping my head around it. but, one positive thing that has risen out of this tragedy was the power of our community. like dang I live in a small town, but holy crap, we are amazing. everyone in this community has come together and just supported everyone else 11048239475%. I'm serious. it's insane. i have never been prouder to be a Bear. I truly know what it means to be BH Strong. It's powerful. 

I want to take a moment to honor Justin and Alec. I thought of y'all yesterday morning when I saw this sunrise, blue and yellow: 

Also, A and J, meet Al. 

Jess says he is exactly you, A, and I'm happy and honored that I at least get to know you both through Jess and everyone else. I am so sad I didn't have the honor of truly knowing you guys personally, but I am so so so excited to meet you guys in Heaven. Keep watching over all of us Bears, and keep Heaven laughing.