For the past almost two years since returning home, I’ve thought a lot about what I was going to write in this post-mission post. As I sit here finally actually writing it and revising it (in what will most definitely be in separate settings), I still honestly don’t know what to say.
Originally, I was going to compile a video of mission videos to go along with this post, but while I was trying to compile it, I lacked a lot of inspiration and desire to actually do it. I finally asked myself why I lacked the inspiration, and then I realized that it was because I felt like there were very few little videos that I could use that actually showed and told the story of what my mission means to me. And so, I scratched that idea and opted for a lotta lotta words instead.
To begin, I guess I’ll answer that question: What does your mission mean to you, Cassey? What part of it makes it so sacred and so special to you?
And the answer’s pretty easy: it’s about how I came to know my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.
Everything else about my mission is still a bit hard for me to articulate and really comprehend, but I thought I’ll write a bit about it anyways. And so, this post will be a bit scattered, but in hopes of being a bit more organized, I’m gonna use headlines and guiding questions and bullet points!
How was your mission?
- - Truth: this is one of the hardest questions for me to answer because I’m really actually still processing what exactly happened those eighteen months…a lot a lot happened!!! And even with the things that I have processed, it’s hard to truly articulate my experience.
- - Cop-out, easier, default answer that is true despite how shallow it may seem: it was so so so good for me. I learned a lot about priorities and people and love and judgement and compassion and agency. I learned so much. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made to date.
What did you do in Sacramento?
- (I really gotta figure out how to articulate this a bit better because I’ll inevitably be asked about those eighteen months for jobs and med school interviews)
- - The easy answer: I did service. Volunteered at a food bank. Raked some leaves. Visited people in care facilities. Sang at old folks’ homes.
- - Truth: I talked to people about Jesus Christ. Missionaries like to say that they have a front-row seat to seeing people receive Jesus Christ into their lives, and they do! I did. You may or may not agree with me, but Jesus changes lives. From Him, people can develop hope and change. Jesus empowered me so much on my mission and continues to to this day.
What did you learn? (note that this is definitely not all-inclusive list!)
- - I learned just how good Jesus is. How good our Father in Heaven is. They’re both so. dang. good. Every time I stop to think about it, Their goodness just boggles my mind. every. single. time. More on this later!
- - I learned how happy the Spirit makes me. Before my mission, I felt the Spirit every now and then when He would guide and comfort me. It was a good feeling, but on my mission, the Spirit was insane. I remember one day I tried to count the number of times I prayed that day, and I remember it being more than thirty times…which is about one prayer every thirty minutes. And maybe you normally pray more than me as a missionary, but that was defo a LOT more than pre-mish Cassey prayed. And each time I prayed, I asked Heavenly Father for the Spirit. So about 30 times a day for 18 months, I was asking for the Spirit to be with me. And so He was. He guided my every move. He led me to people who needed to be loved. He led me to read specific scriptures with specific people. He led me to think and say exactly what people needed to hear to be comforted. When I followed the Spirit, I was able to help people feel loved. When I was able to do that, I felt joy. The greatest, happiest kind of joy that pumps you up and sends you on a high. The kind that makes you feel like nothing else matters. On my mission, I learned how much I not only needed but wanted the Spirit in my life. It quickly came to be my greatest desire, and it still is! So. Grateful.
- - I learned that people have agency, the freedom to choose. And that no matter what they choose—whether, to us, it seems like the most right or the most wrong decision ever—they are still worthy of being loved. That Heavenly Father’s love for them is not conditional on their choices: He loves them all the same. And we should love in the same way! I learned that we should love people even when their choices might disappoint us. Because that’s what love really is.
- - I learned that people really are just a product of their experiences. I felt like before my mission, it was really easy for me to judge others for their actions and opinions. I would think “wow I can’t believe that person thought [insert random thing]. that’s kinda dumb!” On my mission, I came into contact with so many people from so many different backgrounds who often had entirely different life experiences. As I talked with each person and got to really know them, I could see why they thought and believed the things that they did. Realizing that really helped me to be more compassionate about the choices they made and the thoughts that they had. Ultimately, I learned that it is only when we genuinely talk to people and seek to understand them that we can love them. And not just the surface-level kind-of-love but the deep “dang, you’re pretty special” kind-of-love. The same kind of love that God has for each of us. He sees us for who we are! We can see others for who they truly are when we just talk and really try to connect with them.
How are God and Jesus “so dang good?”
- - honestly, They just are!!!! Really!! But here, I can expand just a smidge:
- - Missions aren’t easy. They can actually be quite hard!!!! I remember a lot of times feeling sad or discouraged or scared or stressed and then saying a prayer and just feeling all of those negative feelz melt away. And not just melt away for just a moment but for a long while. When I felt the bad feels, all I had to do was remember that peace and it came back to me. I know of Heavenly Father’s goodness because each time I reached out in prayer, I was comforted. The problems didn’t always go away, but I felt enough peace and confidence to keep moving forward. And to me, that meant more than anything.
- - There are no such things as coincidences. For eighteen months, I would start my day off with scripture study and then go out to teach and talk with people. So so so many times—too many times to count!!!—I got to talk to a random stranger who benefitted from something I had studied earlier that day. And it definitely wasn’t because I just thought they needed it but because they really did (usually revealed to me through their agreeable nods and wow’s or the quiet peace that was shared between us). There were just way way way too many times that something I had read was able to be used to help someone else. I know that that’s not because I’m a special fortune-teller-type-person but because God is real. And more than that single fact, it’s because He is aware of what each and every single one of His children—each and every single one of us—needs. It is through others that He is able to fulfill our needs. God truly is our Heavenly Father. He loves us and knows us. He knows ME. And that love feels so so so dang good.
- - So many times I met people who were disappointed in themselves because of the choices that they’ve made. And honestly SAME because so many times I too felt overwhelmed by my imperfections. In those hard moments—moments that I still have now as well, actually!!—it was super duper easy to get down on myself and kinda just wallow in that awfulness. BUT I really came to know that Jesus Christ not only died for our sins but died so that we can become better human beings. He didn’t sacrifice His life for us just so that one day, when we die, we can be resurrected and made pure. He sacrificed His life for us so that we can be made better NOW. All we have to do is ask for His help through prayer. I have felt SO empowered by Jesus Christ and by the faith that I have in Him. He has helped me to forgive myself and be kinder to Cassey Cha. And for that and more, Jesus is so dang good.
- - BASICALLY, I can go on and on. But I won’t because this is already a really long blog post. But really, know that I love my Heavenly Father. And I love His Son Jesus Christ. They really are just so so SO good to me. And to you too. You just have to look!
A final take-away from the mish that just now came to mind as I finish this post is this: life can freaking suck. Half of the time, I feel like I’m pretty dang great and awesome and doing happy things. The other half the time, I get overwhelmed with hard things. Those hard things include but are not limited to the following: injustice, feelings of inadequacy, people being dismissive either to me or others, people just being jerks, not feeling understood, feelings of inadequacy, how healthcare in America can kinda suck???, how some people have access to great care because they have money and others are left to fend for themselves, hard science classes, feelings of inadequacy. Man, the list goes on (lol because as I wrote that list, I started feeling overwhelmed again hahaha). But really, I get overwhelmed by a lot. BUT BUT BUT—and this is the kicker—through it all, I am so so so dang grateful that because of Jesus Christ and His infinite love and goodness and power, each and every single one of those things (both listed and not listed) will one day cease to matter or even exist. I don’t know how, but I know it will happen. I have the greatest hope in that day when, because of Jesus Christ, all will be made right.
So the
real final take-away is this: yes, life can freaking suck........but Jesus makes it easier. He understands my struggles, and He empowers me—legit
gives me strength—to push the overwhelming things aside and keep moving forward. That moving forward often and most surely comes with lots of crying, emotional spirals, whining, and complaining, but it comes nonetheless.
And it comes nonetheless
because of Jesus. He is so good, and I love Him. So. Freaking. Much.
