1/28 winter break: top 5 captures

5. Same Routine, New Role

All four years of my high school career, I attended early-morning seminary before school around 6a.m. My church offers it to to high school students (and anyone else) as a sort of scripture study in the morning. I love love loved seminary as I honestly believe I would not be where I am today without it. It was an awesome spiritual experience even though I sometimes had the worst attitude for it. Not only did I have the worst attitude for it sometimes but also the worst routine regarding it. When I started driving my junior year, I was always late. Like more than 10 minutes late. Almost every morning. After seminary, on the way back home, I would always (illegally?) use my cell phone to take a picture of the sunrise. When I got home, I took a 20 minute nap before I had to start getting ready for school. It was my weird morning routine, and I loved it. In its entirety, the routine epitomized the common phrase "It's the little things" and, for me, acted as a constant reminder of the beauty and happiness and pure light in the world.
So this winter break, my old seminary teacher asked me to return to seminary to teach a lesson, and I happily agreed. Falling into old habits, I was 10 minutes late. And on my way back home, I took a pic of the sunrise. And as soon as I got home, I laughed at the nostalgia of it all and giddily climbed into bed. It was one of my favorite mornings.

4. Happy Times with Sad Bonfires, Romances, and Polaroids

I've been friends with Micky and Belive (left and right, respectively) for a long time now (I got baptized with Micky when I was eight!), and it was so nice to catch up with them. They're two very special and genuine and single people who never fail to make me laugh. We wanted to have a bonfire, so we had one...but we forgot it had rained so we had to use wet wood for the fire. It didn't work really well. Thankfully, I had a butt ton of shoeboxes to burn (who knew my shoe addiction would come in handy, right?!). So, we used cardboard fire to eat s'mores and keep us somewhat warm. We talked about the romance (or really LACK of it) in our lives, and honestly, it was such a funny topic for all of us. I think we laughed a bit too hard haha. And you see that polaroid on the left? Yeah...it's messed up. It was our first take, and it was taking a few seconds longer to develop because it was cold, so I joked about putting it closer to the fire so it'd develop faster. As soon as I said it, Belive took the polaroid and put it right on top of our tiny fire and it developed!! Super fast!! We looked away from the photo for like two seconds, and next thing we knew, it was dark blue. And getting faster by the second. After a few minutes of laughing at our dark dark DARK blue and barely noticeable faces, we took another polaroid! Which, if I remember properly, was just as cute as the first one. So all in all, it was a pretty memorable night! 

 3. Christmas Kisses

I shared this photo on my Christmas post already, but I'm sharing it again because SERIOUSLY look how cute it is!!! My mom looks like the happiest mom ever. I love her so so much. 

2. I'm their Favorite

For once in a really really long time, everyone was home! It was a rare thing, so I forced everyone to get dressed and go outside for an impromptu family photoshoot. The pictures turned out pretty sweet, I think. This one's one of my favorites though! If I remember properly, I was tired of the boys looking so stoic and manly, so I said a lame thing (it's my forte), and look what happened! The cutest thing ever.

1. She's my Favorite (Even though I'm not Her's)

Man, I love my dog. She's the cutest lil babe ever. She doesn't think the same of me though. Fun storytime: when I came home from Prov, I was so so so excited to see Cocco. Like BEYOND normally-excited. And she was excited to see me too!! She whined and ran around for attention, but as soon as I grabbed a hold of her and started trying to cuddle her, she squirmed through my arms and ran to Maxine. My jaw dropped. Can you believe the AUDACITY of the dog?! She missed Maxine more than she missed ME, her OWNER. I was really really hurt. And offended. And I still am! She's the worst dog-child ever, and if that ever happens between my human-children and I, I'm calling Child Services. Obviously kidding harharhar...just a bit. But seriously, I love my dog, and I love this pic. My favorite thing is the Sun and hexagonal shapes of light. So aesthetic! Much aesthetic!

I hope everyone had an amazing winter break, holidays, whatever! Good luck to all starting a new semester of school (or any sort of new life chapter). Remember, party hard, dudes. It's 2016. Oh, what a time to be alive! :-)

1/26 winter break reflection: CHANGE

(Flying into and out of Charlotte)

After spending more than five weeks back in my hometown, I have come to one interesting conclusion: that everything has changed but it's also still so so the same.

What I mean when I say that is that I have changed. I knew that fact when I left Providence, but it truly hit me sometime during my stay. My perspectives of the world have changed, and it's hard to explain what I mean by that—what goes on in this weird mind of mine—so I'm not going to try it (because I honestly still don't understand it myself). But, whatever it is, I find it a bit sad. Not only is it sad, but it's also a bit terrifying. This idea reminds me of a song that used to scare me as a child when I first heard it: "Everybody's Changing" by Keane.

So little time / Try to understand that I'm / Trying to make a move just to stay in the game / I try to stay awake and remember my name / But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

My entire life I always thought change was a scary thing—something to avoid—something that tore people apart. Even today, I don't think I'm entirely wrong. Because change is scary. But it's not something we should avoid. Nor is it something that tears people apart.

True, it sucks, and it's disheartening. But it is what it is.

And I'm okay with that. And if you're feeling the same way right now, you should be too.

Why? Because change with a positive connotation is GROWTH. So when we experience change, it means that we're growing. And so are the people around us. And I'd like to think that we're growing into the people that we will be for the rest of our lives. Into the people with whom our significant others will fall in love. Into the people who might just one day change the world.

And yeah, of course, us being okay with it doesn't make it suck any less, but the thing is…we can’t do much about it. We can really only do one thing: accept it. We can accept people and their different ideas. And if you're really up for it (which I'm deciding to be), we can be excited for the person they might grow to be.

1/12 favorite songs from One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill has one of the greatest soundtracks ever. The timing of the songs was always so so on point, and even MORE on point was the actual songs (and their meanings, of course!). I can blabber on forever about the music, but I'll spare you. Instead, I've listed a few of my favorites that I find uplifting, empowering, and just so freaking special. Take a listen! You won't regret it, I know it.
1. Gavin DeGraw - I Don't Wanna Be

• I don't want to be
  Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
  All I have to do
  Is think of me and I have peace of mind
  I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
  Wondering what I've got to do
  Or who I'm supposed to be
  I don't want to be anything other than me

2. Nada Surf - Always Love

• To make a mountain of your life
  Is just a choice
  But I never learned enough
  To listen to the voice that told me
  Always love, Hate will get you every time
  Always love, Don't wait til the finish line

3. Wakey!Wakey! - Almost Everything

• You miss the feeling when you step outside
  And then your mind comes all untied
  And then you open up your eyes
  And you don't feel lonely
  And it feels bad now but it's gonna get better
  Someday

4. Jimmy Eat World - 23

• You'll sit alone forever
  If you wait for the right time
  What are you hoping for?

5. Audioslave - Be Yourself

• And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up
  With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck
  Don't lose any sleep tonight
  I'm sure everything will end up alright
  You may win or lose
  But to be yourself is all that you can do

6. Feeder - Feeling a Moment

• Don't ever feel that you're alone
  I'll never let you down, I'll never leave you dry
  Don't fall apart, don't let it go

7. Vega4 - Life is Beautiful

• It's amazing where I'm standing
  There's a lot that we can give
  This is ours just for the moment
  There's a lot that we can give

8. Blind Pilot - New York

• I got wise and I got old 
  Not once, not once did I fold 
  So don't you now

I also made a mix on 8tracks so you and I can listen to them on repeat on bad days. Check it out here!

1/10 Five things that One Tree Hill taught me

This week, I finished watching One Tree Hill. I watched lil bits of it way back in elementary and middle school, but I was never up to date with it. So, one day, while listening to Spotify, Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Wanna Be" came on, and I immediately felt nostalgic. You see, this amazing song was the opening song for OTH, and somehow...because of all the random nights and times I watched the show, it was the anthem of my childhood. A few jam sessions to the song later, I decided to watch OTH again and, this time, completely and whole-heartedly. So here we are!
Like I said, I finished OTH this week, and I haven't been the same since. I cried the last two episodes because I knew the end was coming, and I'm still crying tbh (if only on the inside, occasionally on the outside). Yeah, it seems a bit ridiculous, but you GUYS...It's SUCH an amazing show. So freaking wise and beautiful and glorious and perfect. I really recommend it with all of my heart.
Alas, I'm done writing about my sad whining and pining. Instead, I want to share with you all FIVE THINGS THAT OTH TAUGHT ME:

1. It's okay to be ambitious and want what you want.
   I think it sucks that to be selfish is seen as the worst thing in the world. "Selfish" has such a crappy connotation with it that it scares people into thinking that ALL we have to be is selfless--to put everything and everyone else above ourselves. But I don't think that's true. If it is, then I am doing life so so wrong.
   In the show, the characters start off as high schoolers, and they each have their own dreams. For a long time, some of them are scared of chasing their dreams for fear that they'll be leaving people or something else behind. But they don't. They never do. The things that truly matter follow us where we go--they just take different paths and may take a bit longer to follow. More importantly though, if you are doing something that YOU want to do and it is something that you believe will make you TRULY happy, do it. Never compromise when it comes to your own happiness (obviously compromise if someone's life is at stake, but I hope things never get that extreme for anyone).
2. You can find an infinite amount of hope in love. 
   Nathan and Haley (Naley) honestly have one of the greatest love stories that I can think of, and they are 75% of the reason why I love OTH. You might think that it seems a bit naive that I think I can learn from the love between two fictional characters, but I have. Naley taught me that in the darkest of situations, if you love someone unconditionally and they you, then you're pretty gosh dang lucky because at the end of the day, that's all that really matters. You have someone that is more than willing to hold your hand and suffer with you through all of the scary and sometimes crappy times. Above all, you have someone who believes that you can make it through, someone who believes in you. And, if that's not special--if that's not HOPE--then I don't know what is.
3. You--and only you--can define who you are (and who you will become). 
   One of my favorite parts of watching OTH was watching the characters grow. Brooke Davis started off as a girl only ever wanting to have fun, but she grew so freaking much. Somewhere along the way, she started believing in herself. And when she did, her whole world changed. She found out who she was and figured out who she wanted to become and became it. In the end, B. Davis got all she wanted. She teaches me that YOU become who YOU want to become. Other people can't influence them unless you allow them to, so don't. Don't give anyone or anything power over who you are.
4. Life is hard and it sucks a lot of the time, but there are so many things worth fighting for. 
   A lot of tragic things happen on One Tree Hill, and sure, it can get pretty dramatic at times, but tragic things happen all the time in real life, and that sucks. When bad things happen, we often spend a lot of time thinking of what went wrong. Of what if's. Of what could have been's. And that's okay, BUT you can't be in that state of mind forever. It's really easy to get wrapped up into the unfairness and sadness of it all, but at the end of the day, life keeps moving...and so should you. Why? Because life has so much to offer you. The WORLD has so much to offer to you. There's love, adventure, happiness to be found and had. Sunsets to be watched. Words to be heard. Things to be learned. There's so much out there, and you miss it when you stop fighting.
5. Change happens. It happens a lot, all of the time, and almost always...but it's not always bad. In fact, it's usually for the better.
   People change. Cities change. The world changes. And that's okay because I bet you're changing with it. It's sometimes hard to notice changes within ourselves, but they're there. I know this because as you experience life, you experience new things, and those things change you in some way, shape, or form. It's Newton's Law of Inertia: "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." These things can change your perspective and force you into uncomfortable situations that you never thought you could love. All of these things--these changes--they're shaping you into the person you're supposed to be, and I think that's freaking awesome. 

I loved One Tree Hill so much, and I'm so sad it's over for me. If I could brainwash myself to forget it and then watch it all over again, I would. And, as corny as it sounds, it's reminded me of the reason why I love humans: we're all so intricate and complex yet simple, so fragile yet resilient. Humans are awesome, and so is One Tree Hill. Watch it. 

1/2 first semester: top 5 captures

5. Pure birthday bliss

I freaking love me some Sarah Tran. She's the sweetest and most hardworking person I know, and she's always ensuring that everyone is feeling good and happy. So, I'm honored to share a birthday with her. This night, my Catalyst Pham put together a surprise birthday dinner for us…ice cream cake included, of course! It was the sweetest thing, and I love them all dearly for putting forth so much effort to make our birthdays a little more special.

4. Breaking rules, not bodies

Also taken on my birthday, this picture gives just a tiny glimpse of all the joy and love I felt that day. I broke the Cliffwalk's rules to not past the signs and get on the cliffs, but I just couldn’t resist. The cliffs and the special views from the cliffs were just so freaking special. My friends were afraid of me falling to my death, but I think it would have been worth it (not really, I just knew I wasn't going to fall hahaha).

3. Frosh ballin'

I don’t know about you, but I enjoy dancing ridiculously in public. So, I jump at any chance of going to random dances. This dance in particular was organized for first-years (by two of my Catalyst Pham—so freaking proud!), and I had the coolest group of kids to go with. Sure, we started the party late, but we stayed as late as we could, probably later. It was a night of weird limb movements and pained knees. So basically, it's one that I'll remember for quite some time.

2. Facing the world

I remember being really excited yet nervous to take this cliché we're-the-cutest-group-of-friends-ever-and-are-going-to-face-the-world-together picture. Excited because I found a group of people that I love, wouldn't trade the world for, and be 100% me 100% of the time. Nervous because I trusted them so much after only a week, and that took me off guard a bit. Thankfully, I put my trust in the right people, each of who can be incredibly insightful and considerate. Even more importantly, they are people who make me want to be a better me.

1. Cutest [Unit]mates

Erin is so freaking talented and sweet!! She made everyone artwork for Christmas, and I laughed so hard when I saw the one she made for Serene and I (which is the only one, I'm sure, who has two people pictured together). This picture and drawing symbolizes just how freaking lucky I am to live on the floor that I live on and to have the roommate that I have. Everyone is nice and fun and talented…just super chill. To Serene, you have become my best friend. I love you a lot, and we are, indeed, the Cutest Roommates.

1/1/2016 16 things I hope to do again in 2016

Happy New Year, friends!! 

2015 has been a great year, so I've made a list of 16 things that I did and/or loved in 2015 and hope to do or continue doing in the new year.

1. Started watching One Tree Hill
2. Fell in love with OTH's soundtrack, especially "Always Love" by Nada Surf
3. Walked my dog
4. Went on late night adventures with friends
5. Hiked with amazing friends
6. Drove to the beach 
7. Tutored kids
8. Kept up with the people that I care about the most
9. Shared my testimony
10. Had some gumption
11. Made videos
12. Never gave up
13. Validated others and myself
14. Felt confident in all aspects of my life
15. Found beauty in new people and new places
16. Felt beyond grateful for my blessings

A lot has happened this year, but it's been so good. I've learned a lot, and I'm so excited to learn more in 2016--to learn more about myself, the people around me, and the world.