9/21 be thou an example

hey! long time no see, y'all! last week was one of the hardest weeks i've ever had for many reasons which really all stemmed from one big thing. obviously i can't talk about this "big thing" because it's quite personal, and i'm still not entirely 100% done figuring out what to do about it. it's one of those "big things" ya feel me? also, i'm gonna call this "big thing" Bertha. i think it fits hahaha.

anyways, i've probably been low-key stressing about it for a while now, but it finally hit me really hard about the end of the week before last. and then this past week, it hit me really really hard. it sucks!!! it sucks a lot. 

but i'm not here to talk about how much it sucked. i'm here to talk about Heavenly Father's messages. this week, i have prayed and prayed and prayed about what to do with Bertha. after talking to my sister, one of my best friends, Cindy, and my ma about it, i was still sad and feeling pretty down about Bertha. I was feeling better, of course! but i still didn't know what to do for the most part. and then Friday morning, during seminary, one of the example scenarios was the same scenario I was in. I was in awe. the scenario went through what so and so should do in this particular situation, and I was like "yeah i need to do that! duh!" but hey that was a message and solution ya know? Heavenly Father answered my prayers!! like how freaking awesome?! but it gets even more insane, you guys. the answers didn't stop there (just because HF knows i have problems and always need to be told at least two times before i'm comfortable and willing to act). today, during church, all the lessons I had could be linked back to Bertha. again, it's absolutely insane! but so so so cool. i'm still not 100% sure about what to do (like I stated above), but I know I will be soon, and when that time comes, I know I will be 100% comfortable with my decision. 

Furthermore, I know that as long as I am on Heavenly Father's side and not the world's, I will be alright because He will always always be on mine. in light of these events, I want to say that Heavenly Father knows us all so well. His love for us is so so special, and He knows each of us personally (even though that's so hard to believe, it's true--I promise!). He knows our problems, and He knows how to speak to us. I am so thankful for prayer, this gospel, and this gospel's strong emphasis on prayer. The gospel is true. I know it! 

before I leave, I want y'all to watch this video: "The No Cussing Club." 

This kid is such an inspiration to me! like holy cow! such a radical movement. such a radical boy. he has the courage and faith to move mountains (which he basically did!). he's getting death threats, though, you guys!? and he's still going strong! how freaking amazing. it. is. mind-boggling. seriously! i wish i was more like him, and I want to try to be from now on. 

"Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." --1 Timothy 4:12

9/15 late night comfort

i've been feeling a bit down lately about some things, and i always pray for comfort when i'm down. the other day i found this gem of a talk: 

(it's by President Monson from the October 2013 conference) 

it's basically impossible to not feel the Spirit when you read this the first time, but i've read it quite a bit these past few days, and it still continues to comfort me the more and more i read it. i encourage anyone and everyone to read it! 

Heavenly Father loves us so so so much. His love for us is unfathomable, and that is incredible. I am so blessed to know of his love for me and to know that I am truly loved on the days I feel my worst. I am so very thankful for His answering my prayers. I'm thankful for President Monson and this brilliant talk. I know he is truly ordained of God in these latter-days to guide us back to our Heavenly Father. I am so happy to be a part of this gospel.

9/12 hbd to my bestest friend in the entire world

happy birthday Maxx! 

(idk why i like to carry you so much...i think it's because i like to assert my dominance in a fake-ly affectionate way hehe) 

(one of my fave pics of us of all time)

(but wow you're twenty-one and gross now!! jk you've always been gross but now you're really gross. jk i love you a lot and you're not gross at all. promise.)

Maxx, you are one of the sweetest, smartest, and stylish people i know. actually maybe not the latter, but hey! that can be worked on. but seriously. you're really nice to people even though you think you're not. you try so hard to be genuine in your dealings with people, and that's all that matters. you're so super smart, and i'm sorry for always belittling that. you are going so so so so fricking far, Maxx. don't let anyone hold you down. follow your heart and dreams!! Heavenly Father will always help you when you are as righteous as you are.
lastly, thank you for always dealing with my crap (metaphorically) because i have a lot a lot of crap (metaphorical in this context). you are the one person who i truly am my worst with, and i'm sorry about that. i hate it a lot. but in all honesty, you baby me a lot so you're basically signing up for it hehe. but seriously now. you are the bestest friend i will ever have. no matter how far we are apart, you will never leave me, and i will never leave you. we are so incredibly blessed to be sealed as an eternal family, ya know?! we are together forever! even if i'm married to some super hot returned missionary and super successful and have some beautiful genius babies and you're some crazy and lonely old dog lady living in the streets (which you will never be, DUH!!). all in all, you're so freaking awesome in so many ways, and i am really truly lucky to be your sister. i couldn't ask for anyone better. i hope i am all you ever wanted as a little sister when you begged mom and dad for me eighteen years ago :-)

9/8 autumn is my fave

you guys....it was cold enough to wear my beanie this morning. i love it. so. much. and when i say "it," i mean AUTUMN...although i do love my beanie!

(beanies help me look super hipster with the bonus of warming my poor poor ears!!)

(can we also mention how beautiful the grass looks in this picture?? no filter!!! today's weather was perfect i'm telling ya)

reasons why i love fall:

• it's also called autumn--oh so fancy!
• BRING OUT THE BOOTS YALL (i mean yeah i wear boots year round but now it's more socially acceptable and no i do not wear cowboy boots thank you)
• the weather is a perfect mixture of sun and wind
• north carolina is so so so beautiful in the fall
• orange and yellow is everywhere 
• dying leaves are so so so pretty (i'm not a sadist i promise)
• bonfires YEEEE
• beanies (mentioned above)
• hot chocolate is basically an almost daily part of my morning routine
• thanksgiving aka yummy food and friends and family (MY FAVORITE F WORDS)
• ...just basically everything, you guys! like what's NOT to love about fall??? (nothing)

now about today... it was an actually really good day! 

• i wasn't late to seminary today (although a few minutes never hurts anyone really right? hehe)
• i enjoyed laughs in seminary today (really just a lot more this year! it's fantastic!) 
• i rode the bus to school and sat with this seventh grader who was quite interesting. he was really cute and asked a lot of questions about random things. i taught him a bit about condensation and the san andreas fault line. he told me about his family. we compared ages (13 vs 17). he was very much in awe of how old i was hahahah. man it's sad. 
• NOT A GOOD THING BUT QUITE AMUSING: i accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil today and now i have graphite in my leg ahhahaha iT HURTS (the scratch, not the graphite i promise). i was walking down the hallway with my headphones and pencil and one hand, and during a conversation with a friend, a locker door decided to hang onto my headphones. this action jerked me back, causing me to stab myself. the pencil went through my jeans you guys. like what even. 
• i had a test today in my chem class at the local comm. college and it wasn't that hard!! it was so much easier than our homework assignments and it makes me happy. i'm feeling good about it. yay!!!
• the teen wolf season 4 finale was today. IT WAS SO SO SO GOOD. so happy. i almost cried. much feels. much happy.
• i talked to a lot of my GSW friends today. i miss everyone so much. it was so good catching up with people or really just exchanging like ten texts. so good. but all in all, i miss Gov School so so so much. i'm never going back as a student, and that tears me to pieces. this summer was seriously the best summer of my life i think, and i can't even repeat it. i will never stop feeling so blessed because of that opportunity, and that is awesome. 

idk what else to say about today, but there was just something special and so so good about it :-)

...and now i must end it. good night! 

9/2 three day weekends are God sent

oh man you guys
this weekend was the greatest break-but-not-really-a-break-because-i-worked break ever after stressing myself out so much over my decision making last week
so so so rejuvenated and finally ready for my senior year (I think??)

(just SOME of my senior year notebooks and texts)

i love learning so much but this is insane
...but i think i like insane 
(i know i'm a MASOCHIST)

its so bad i know i know

senior year has been overwhelming but i'm getting back into it ya know? and even though i'm totally not a morning person, early morning seminary always makes school a gazillion times better. i'm tired all the time but as much as this shames me to say...i've taken accidental naps like every day so...i can't complain about being tired...jk actually i go to seminary so yah i can (sorry not sorry??)

quick updates: 

• work has been kicking ma butt but money is so so so nice
• i made a 40/100 on a chem hw assignment (DON'T PROCRASTINATE GUYS)
• i lied about my internship...i ended up dropping it (i know i know i'm horrible at decisions i KNOW)

...and the GREATEST UPDATE:

• i'm gonna be starting and FINISHING my college and scholarship apps soon...i can feel it in my bones like it's tingling all over me. IT'S SO WEIRD but it's happening guys and it's happening soon

...and i am so so so so so excited